last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize