can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
