Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
