The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
