She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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