dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
