I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
