Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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