U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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