I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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