i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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