college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
