Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
