Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
