Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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