I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she peed on how many people?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
