Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
