Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize