remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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