These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
