They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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