It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize