Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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