My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My vagina is officially offended.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
