how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
