So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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