i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
