she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
