you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
