I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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