How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
