i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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