You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
