I'm going to jail i love you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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