And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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