i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
