She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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