booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
