did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
