Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
