I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize