i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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