I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
