if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
ttyl tear gas
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
