Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
