No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
