The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
