dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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