hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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