You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
