headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
this will be a night to untag.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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