We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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