batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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