capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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