Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize