if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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