Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
