I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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