How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So squirting runs in the family.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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