I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize