We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
