My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
