just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
