i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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