dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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