She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Randomize
