she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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