I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
