i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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