dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You smell like stripper and shame
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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