i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
