There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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