I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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