I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fuck appropriateness.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
