Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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