I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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