im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
