No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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