I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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