He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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