can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
