there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
