I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
