i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
