He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
