Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
