Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
