So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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