This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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