So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
