she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
