My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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