Your face is a jimmy john
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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