4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize