Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I die, sorry about rent.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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