youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
