i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
