You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize