paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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