Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
