I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
