I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
