i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
