I wish I only lived at night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
