This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
