You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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