I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
